I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
