did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
