I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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