drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
