End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
