Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
