I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I will pee on everything he values.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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