i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
