she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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