Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
