I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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