Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
