matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
