i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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