someone get that fucking seahorse.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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