cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
