gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
