he wants to bone in the snuggie
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
