Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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