I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
