FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
