Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
