he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
