Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
