Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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