I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
