and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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