Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
