im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
