her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
