she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
