Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
