What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
