ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
