There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
