the condom got lost in my hair
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I want a musical about memes.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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