In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
