I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
