Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
