therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
