I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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