I just saw a hot homeless man
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
These tits shall not be calmed
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
