yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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