I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
