Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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