Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
