A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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