Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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