i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
