I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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