My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
