He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Randomize
