His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I believe in your delicious
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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